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JesusMaybe the biggest challenge of sharing a Christian testimony is discerning what to leave in and what to leave out. The Bible does this well. It has no extraneous text; details are either included or omitted for purposes of relevance and conciseness. In fact, the Book of John concludes by stating that it does not itemize every work of Christ because "even the world itself could not contain the books that would be written." (John 21:25) Though it may not tell us everything we want to know, God has calculated and presented in the Bible all we need to know. Most of all I want to avoid focusing on past sins while explaining the Savior's work in my life. Jesus"...Not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called." (1Corinthians 1:26) JesusI grew up in suburban Philadelphia with my father, mother and older brother. During my early years, we attended church almost every Sunday and participated in some church activities. Our parents also taught us to pray at mealtime and bedtime. However, we didn’t read the Bible together or discuss Christ, salvation or Christian living. I can’t answer for my parents, and this story is not about them. They loved and provided for me. However, Christ was not our foundation, nor was He real to me. I saw Christianity as some rituals and nice stories. JesusEarly on, a part of my personality was moody, quick-tempered and stubborn. If that sounds like an average kid, it was worse. That made me hard to handle sometimes and was not cured by discipline. Furthermore, my other problems both fed and were exacerbated by it. So there was tension at home. I was the second youngest kid in the neighborhood too, so that also toughened me. At some point my parents switched my school for unrelated reasons, which was a match to gas. I was the outsider and consequently fought a lot. It was the formative years, and my perspective was forming. JesusI was volatile and insecure, angry and afraid. Certainly, not every minute was like this. However, these unresolved problems only grew. I cursed, lied and stole by the age of 7. Within a few years cigarettes, and then pornography, were new items on that list. JesusAdolescence was not much different from childhood except in its severity. I developed a loner mentality and moved between groups of temporary friends. Eventually I gravitated towards other troubled kids. At the age of 16, I began drinking alcohol and using drugs. These were major catalysts for the sharp decline in my character and quality of life. Quickly my lifestyle transitioned to using illegal substances, drug dealing, violence, other serious crime and immorality, and occasional arrests. I skipped school often. I wore my pants disgustingly low, listened to rap music and emulated thugs. At 17, I got my first of several tattoos. By the age of 19, I had both juvenile and adult criminal records. The local judge and police knew me by name. At the time I considered all these things badges of honor. JesusAllow me to pause and clarify. You are reading about a destructive cycle. Behind many of my actions was the desire to hide my true feelings. These things seemed cool to my twisted mind, because anger and insecurity tainted my thinking. In reality, it was all just plain sin. It grieved God, disgraced my family, hurt many people and sabotaged my own life too. I was foolish, self-centered, uncontrolled and lacked direction. I could not see the reality of my situation; I was dead in sin. God be praised that He didn’t leave me that way. JesusEverything changed one night when the police caught me with a large amount of drugs. Somehow I had walked right into their hands. I now realize that God delivered me to them for His own purpose. They took my contraband as evidence and let me sweat it out in a holding cell for a while. Yet they let me go home that night because they knew where to find me. A few months later, the court was ready. The law came to get me at home. I ran. JesusThe next two weeks was a desperate period. I hid at different people’s houses and couldn’t sleep. I had little money and was hungry. I was paranoid and nervous and didn’t know where to go. Finally, I paid a “friend” to buy a train ticket out of the state for me, outbound from Philadelphia. JesusWhen I arrived at the station, the terminal displays indicated a security stop on that train prior to departure. I was convinced the “friend” had notified the police. True or not, it scared me even more. I jumped on a local bus and skittishly transferred buses several times. By evening I was somewhere outside of West Philly, completely lost and confused. Walking through a neighborhood, I saw a man exit his parked car. I asked if he could drive me to my grandparents’ house a few miles away. The request surprised him, but he declined. However, he wore a big gangster cross on his necklace. My eyes were drawn to it. That is not to say he was a Christian, but God made that golden cross sparkle to me. It began to swirl around in my mind. JesusDarkness fell. My fears of the police were overshadowed by the threat of walking there alone at night. It occurred to me that a church might be a safe place to go. Then, I turned a corner-in more ways than one. There was a big, brightly lit, cross-shaped sign which said, “JESUS SAVES.”
the water fountain at the entrance. People entered through the doors one or two at a time. It must have been a Saturday evening service or maybe a Wednesday Bible study. Apparently I was the only white person in the building. Several people asked if I was the accountant or plumber. (I can’t remember which one, but they all thought the same thing.) My reply was that I was waiting to talk with the pastor. Then, either a deacon approached me or somebody brought me to a deacon. They took me into a room and sat me down. I told them everything. patiently as I explained, justified and rationalized my actions. I was a good person. I was different- not just another criminal. I had only made some mistakes and could change. Most importantly, I just wanted the judge to give me a chance. These were the fabrications of my own deception. I was oblivious to the reality of my position. Then one of the deacons said something like, “You want the judge to give you a chance, but Christ is asking you to give Him a chance.” It was a moment of truth. JesusThe pastor had joined us by then. He explained my two options; they didn’t want to break the law by helping a criminal on the run. Either he could call the police right then, or I could call my Dad to pick me up. In that case, they would make me promise to turn myself in the next day. I chose the second option. While waiting for my father, I asked the deacon if there was still time to get saved. JesusHe said, “There’s always time for that.” JesusGod had allowed me to reach a point in life of total desperation. I had already turned to everything else, which failed. I was broken and humbled. I prayed, sincerely asking Jesus to forgive me and confessing Him as my Lord and Savior. Then my Dad arrived and took me home. The next day, constables came to my house early. I was just about to get washed and intended to walk to the courthouse afterward. They took me off to jail. I went peacefully. JesusThe jail experience in movies is glorified sometimes. Jail is terrible. There were a lot of sad stories-just like mine. There were a lot of people I didn’t want to know. None of the crowds were groups that I wanted to join. I prayed that God would somehow fix my situation. JesusOne morning, the guard woke me up early. He gave me the clothes I had worn to jail and told me to get dressed. Soon they escorted me to a jail van. They transported me to the courthouse shackled to some other prisoners. We waited in a back room chained to a bench. Once in a while they would unlock a prisoner and take him to the courtroom while the rest of us continued to wait. After long, they brought me out of there into a room to meet my public defender. (It is a public lawyer paid by the government.) JesusHe informed me that the court was offering me an option. The county had begun a pilot program which focused on rehabilitation. It was only open to defendants charged with drug crimes, and they were looking to fill seats. Normally a repeat offender charged with a felony could only expect a jail sentence. Instead, this was an intensive program with strict oversight. It would last at least nine months, according to my cooperation. Above all, it allowed me to be free from jail. Yet if I failed the program, they would send me back to jail and give me a regular sentence. Basically, I asked that man for a pen fast, to sign on the line. God had answered my prayers. JesusSo I was free from jail. Moreover, Christ had freed me from the bondage to sin. “Stand fast…Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.” (Gal 5:1) Nevertheless, that church was far from my home. So I didn’t receive the subsequent guidance that new Christians need especially. I didn’t learn the importance of local church membership or regular Christian fellowship. Without those things, understanding of my new faith escaped me. I read my Bible but knew nobody to discuss it with. I quit using drugs, but the rest of my friends and activities mostly stayed the same. I went to some different churches but was still wandering. Except for another arrest and fine (which the judge allowed) nine months went by uneventfully. The program was completed. Without the anchor of Christ, I drifted back into the same old way of life. JesusThe latter was even worse than the former. I moved to West Philly on my own in my twenty- first year. My company was a tough group of small-time drug dealers and thugs. They were like me except harder, from a life on the streets, and truly more unfortunate. I was the only white guy in the group and in the area. That helped fill my insecure need to be anyone except who I was. Philly was tougher than the suburbs. It was (and is) more violent and extreme in many ways. I saw some crazy things and made some really bad choices. JesusI quit drugs again, after another relapse, and later enrolled in mechanic school. While there, another student spoke with me about the Army. She was joining and suggested I look into it. I had a mechanic job that didn’t work out, and I wanted to get away from Philly. A few months later, at the age of twenty-three, I was on the way to Army boot camp at Ft. Benning, Georgia.
completed infantry and then airborne training. They sent me to Ft. Polk, Louisiana. At my base I excelled in PT (Physical Training) and became the push-up champion and fastest runner in the company of 100-125 healthy men. Parachuting also was exciting for me; not everyone enjoyed it. I didn’t smoke or drink then and stayed away from bars and clubs. The Army taught me some discipline and the necessity of hard work. A few good friends made that place bearable, for a while. JesusFirst, consequences from earlier bad decisions plagued me. Then I became disillusioned with the Army for some specific reasons. Being far from God, I didn’t seek His comfort or direction. Poor sleep and a negative mindset began a downward spiral so that I, “despaired even of life.” (2Cor 1:8) I checked into treatment for depression. They handled it as a psychological problem, but it was a spiritual conflict. I had asked Christ into my heart years before, and He had come as promised. Yet I strayed far and the Spirit in me was continually grieved. JesusJesusJgave me an honorable discharge two years after entry. Three weeks before leaving, a few friends invited me to church. They also were responding to an invitation from somebody else. We attended church together that Sunday. Two weeks later, the last Sunday before I came home, we went again. The service was nice. What really impressed me was the small group gathering that evening. There were people close to my age who weren’t involved in all the things I had seen for so long. It was shocking and made me want to be part of a group like that. JesusUpon my return home, I wanted to develop Christian friendships instead of falling back into the same old routines. I started going to a church there and asked to join their small group. A younger member offered to drive me there every Wednesday. The mutual encouragement of Christian peers was an awesome experience. There they spoke about God openly and studied the Word together. It was a release from my quiet suffering. I learned the value of community with other believers and continually growing in Christ. Furthermore they pointed me to the Bible for answers and encouraged me to pray, read and trust. Though I was already saved, Christ was helping me realize the fullness of His gift. I was starving, and He was feeding me the bread of life. JesusMy efforts to reach to other Christians extended beyond church. I discovered a Christian singles’ website and hoped to find conversation with a Christian lady. I wasn’t looking for a girlfriend, although the option was open. My motivation was to learn how Christian women think and how to relate to that. I traded one email with one lady. JesusA few mornings later, I woke up feeling like I would die without immediate help. It didn’t make sense, but it was real nonetheless. (I had been experiencing medical symptoms since leaving the Army about two months earlier.) I called out of work; my body was so weak. I almost gave up on the floor and closed my eyes. In a moment I got up and rushed to the Emergency Room at the Philadelphia VA Hospital. There they diagnosed me with Type I Diabetes. My blood sugars were 1056. They were surprised that I was alive and even conscious. (I had been passing out in the waiting room all day and thought it was just sleepiness.) They said it definitely had started before leaving the Army. Medically speaking, my issues prior to discharge may have triggered it. They kept me in the hospital for the rest of the week. Meanwhile they educated me about my new condition and how it would affect my life. I was never mad at God for it; it has only brought me closer to Him. “Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep Your word.” (Psalm 119:67) JesusBack home there was an email waiting for me. It was a response from the lady from a week earlier. Her name was Iryna, and she lived in Ukraine. That is the beginning of another story. (Read About Us.) Besides salvation, she turned out to be the most wonderful blessing in my entire life. Furthermore, we would not have been able to get to know eachother except for my circumstances. If I had been healthy, my work schedule and the time difference between us would have prevented most correspondence. “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28) JesusThis is my story. There were (and are) rougher people than me and worse situations than mine. However, the story is not meant to exalt my sin. I tell my story to show you the change God can make. He preserved my life even when I despised Him and protected me from serious harm. He waited patiently and worked in me all the while. I am no longer the person you read about. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” (2Corinthians 5:17) He has given me a new life in Christ-a wife, family and ministry. My rebelliousness is replaced with the desire to serve, my anger with peace, my fear with hope. Life now is not easy still, but God guides and provides. Referring to the deacon’s statement, somebody once suggested that it was not me who gave Christ a chance but He who gave me a chance. Looking back, I agree completely. JesusI remember once being fearful about surrendering my whole life to God. I was afraid He might send me to another country or make me do something I wouldn't want to do. It turns out that He did send me to another country, but it was not against my will. By His Spirit He changed me from the inside. Those sins that used seem like fun don't anymore. And things I never thought about are the best things in my life. If He wants me to do or go through something, then I can be sure He has prepared me and will equip and strengthen me for it. Jesus“Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 3:12-14) JesusThere are many pieces to this story. Most people can relate to some part of it, but I want to emphasize three points. First, if you are unsaved, you are as lost as I was. Without Christ, our sin separates us from God and blinds us to our need for Him. This is true of all people-from thieves, drug users and savage thugs to the civil, successful and social elite. “…The Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost.” (Luke 19:10) Second, if you are a believer, walk accordingly. Live what you profess by learning and growing in the word. Remember your calling, if indeed you are Christ’s, “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God…” (Ephesians 4:30) “How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?” (Romans 6:2) Third, God honors a devoted heart. He doesn’t promise health, riches or status, though He may provide them. Moreover, these things cannot compare to the experience of His peace, providence and personal presence. “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that all we ask or think…to Him be glory... forever and ever. Amen.” (Eph 3:20-21) |
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